My previous post helped to create a vision for your life called your “Meaningful Life Map.” It’s your first step to figuring out what you want or “don’t want” in your life. So if you skipped that post, do yourself a favor and start here. My blog posts are also in podcast form, so subscribe here if you prefer to listen while walking or driving.
That exercise will help you get back into alignment, and what that means is that every day you consciously make sure your actions are aligned with your hopes, dreams, and goals.
You don’t have to make significant steps every day. Sometimes it’s a matter of not going backward. Instead, it helps you ensure you spend your time and efforts on what is most important to you. The more you practice, the better you become and the easier it is.
Why Saying “No” Is Important
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- When you are happy, it creates a ripple of kindness in everyone you contact.
Those people can also positively impact others…and so on. We will never truly know our positive impact on people with our kind words and actions. But, if you have ever had someone say or do something “unkind” to you, you know it hurts and affects you. It affects all of us in different ways and with varying pain levels.
If you go to or have gone to a chiropractor, it is incredible how just a couple of taps can put your back into alignment, and you feel like a different person.
Or, if you have had braces, minor corrections now and then lead to a perfect smile. Every effort you make to change small bad habits will lead to leaps towards a happy and meaningful life.
2. Saying “No” Is Not Being Mean
I’m going home for a few days, and a couple of friends want to get together, and I have most of my weekend revolving around my family. But…I want to see my friends too – so I offer up when I can get together. That way – I’ve offered an olive branch – an option that puts it back in their court, and I don’t have to feel guilty for not having enough time.
You can also practice counter-offering because some people get into the habit of asking. So, depending on what’s being asked, you can say that you can’t, but what about this?
For example, my mom lives close to me and might ask me to pick up something for her, and I’ll align that with times that work for me. She’s happy. I’m happy. Some people think that just because someone asks for A, they would not be satisfied with AB, which isn’t true. Offer up what you “can” do that aligns with your schedule and gaols.
Here are some things that came up for me recently that I said “no” to.
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- Not answering the phone and calling them back when it was more convenient for me.
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- Turning down going on a trip with someone (I would have loved to go, but it was outside of my budget.)
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- Unsubscribing from unwanted emails.
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- Blocking unwanted callers.
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- Eliminating/reducing expenses in my budget.
It’s important to say no so that you have more time, money, and energy for the things you are super excited about and passionate about.
Three Ways To Say “No” Without Saying “No.”
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- Make your goals/plans transparent. Whether it’s work or home, ensure you have your dreams, a to-do list, or a calendar of things you are working on so that others know and see your priorities. That way, when someone asks you to do something, you already have plans for something else. Because they’ve seen your goals, they may avoid asking you at all.
- Practice (proactively) being assertive by practicing saying no nicely. How do you do that?
- Delegating. You will do yourself an excellent service if you start practicing delegating now. I ask my children to do things to help me out. They ask me for a lot as well. It isn’t a big deal, but some dislike asking for things. I get it; it’s awkward to ask someone for something they might say no to, but the more practice you get, the easier it is, and the better you will get at it, and you will stop defaulting to doing everything yourself.
Take a minute and hop onto our Facebook page at “Meaningful Life Quest and tell us about a time you had to say no. Was it hard? How did the person react? How did it feel?
What are other ideas you have on how to say no, nicely?
Thanks so much!
Jen
